We see people walk into a room or a meeting with a dynamic personality, until that moment when they open their mouth to speak. Within a few seconds there is a shift in our perception of them. What we sensed as a powerful and authoritative persona is now regarded as meek and hesitant disposition.
The way we speak, what we say, when we say and how we say it is what defines our personality as a whole, the truth and the authenticity of it. It is not impressive to walk confidently but speak weakly. It is not effective to have great ideas but be unable to articulate them clearly. It is not genuine to look elegant but speak crudely. This conflict comes across as pretentious, confusing the listener, taking away credibility that we may well deserve. The divide further disconnects us from our real objectives and expression.
To develop the art of effective communication, first assess and evaluate your current way of speaking, be it during conversations at social gatherings, contributions at meetings, delivery at team briefings or discussions for persuasion. What you are saying, how you are wording it, how you are voicing it, how you are moving when you speak, and what outcomes you are having. Are you coming across as you would like? Are you achieving the desired results? Are you building on the relationship?
To project a confident, self-possessed and masterful personality, you must build the necessary and compatible communication skill, agreeable and in harmony to the external physical demeanour. For this, factors of attitude, relevancy, compactness, voice, mannerism, and timing matter and need to be refined.
Relevancy
The purpose of your dialogue! Does your content address the objective? Is it relevant to the discussion on hand and to the listener? It is easy to go off on a tangent, to a topic that may be related but is not relevant or beneficial to our conversation right now. Make sure you don’t digress or you lose the impact of making a powerful point. Keep the conversation pertinent, applicable and appropriate for it to be compelling.
Brevity
Too many words and we lose the listener, as their mind wanders, concocts elaborate thoughts, or is simply bored. Over-explaining sounds like you need to justify your point, or that you yourself are not quite convinced so need to rationalise it out loud. Keep it short and to the point, saying what needs to be said, addressing precisely the situation being discussed. This illustrates conviction and clarity.
Attitude
Be clear and then confident of your intent. Check in and be aware of your emotions. It may be a conversation that has evoked anger or worry in you. Recognise it and then be in control of it with the awareness that how you speak will most likely determine the outcome. Be sure of what you want to achieve and your purpose. Does the way you speak move you forward? When you are clear and sure, you exude a certain power, a sense of self and an individuality that is true to you.
Voice
You don’t come across as powerful if the voice is weak, hesitant, and too soft. Fillers like ummm, you know, so, and err, dilute what you are saying, the validity of which is then questioned. When giving a suggestion or view, start with powerful words and go straight to the point. Avoid language that falters and wavers, suggesting timidity and uncertainty. Speak loud, firm and clear, articulating each word assertively, using inflection, pauses and a confident tone.
Movement
Move powerfully with shoulders back, legs steady, head high. Make direct eye contact when you speak to someone. Looking away could indicate dishonesty, shame or fear. Sitting with your back upright and spine straight will give you air and emotional confidence to speak steady. Lean in to show understanding, empathy and interest.
Listening
Serious and undivided listening will determine the quality of your response. You are better able to answer on point when you really listen to what is being said. Your deep listening will allow you to evaluate and gauge where the other person is coming from, reading into their intent and ask more clearly.
Timing
Effective suggestions and valuable points lose their impact when shared at the wrong time. There is great art in identifying when something needs to be said. Blurting something out when emotions are high or when the agenda has double meaning only weakens your position, never achieving much good. It is draining and only prolongs any issue. Govern yourself and be in control.
There are those who may be introverted, shy or generally quiet people. They are however seen as people who have great power and authority. This is not as a result of their designation or position, but is credited to the way they speak. They are brief, clear, sure, and on point. They speak with firmness in their voice, confidence in their stature, and conviction in their views. They listen genuinely and are aware and in control of their emotions, using assertive words as they keep direct eye contact. Mastering effective communication is a guaranteed way to demonstrate power and authority.
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